Cause gossip's as good as gospel in this town

brighteyes13 @ 2005-09-29T10:05:00

2005-09-29T14:05:41Z

Time to shock you all with an update.

UPDATE.

brighteyes13 @ 2005-04-07T06:31:00

2005-04-07T10:35:19Z

I have those 4th quarter "I-will-never-do-my-homework-because-school's-almost-over" blues.

Oh man... April 7? It's starting early this year.

I got a card from Marco Labarbera about Dan and I's demo, and he was absolutely awesome, that made my day.

Okkkkk lax game today, first of the season... yeah boys

Oh my darling, when you smile, it is like a song. And I can hear it now.

2005-03-31T11:57:12Z

Ok so I have failed miserably at keeping a livejournal. Yes, my journal has crashed and burned. I'm sorry for the ridiculously long time elapse since my last four word entry. Well sophomore year is looking more and more like suckmore year. And I guess (judging by six different peoples' perspectives) that it's like that for everyone. It's been a long 7 months, and it'll be a relief when it's over. I think the truth is that I've changed to much since last year. And while some change is good, I'm not comfortable with all the changes that have occurred. So here's a toast to changing the traits you don't like, and you know what? Only I can, and I will. So this is my apology for the past year. If I've annoyed or hurt anyone. I am truly sorry. People are mean, and you know what? I'm a person. I am no exception to ANYTHING at all. And instead of that being some sort of sad and sorry compensation for anything I have done, it's a baby step in the right direction. So I am truly sorry.

It's 6:41 in the morning and I have no idea what sparked this. Maybe the jolt of caffeine I just got. Before the end of the year I have to...

Finish my mural
Finish my painting to agati's contest
Put on the best mother fucking rock concert this sleeping town has ever seen
Ok ok try a LITTLE harder in school (inspired by Brian's revelation that doing your homework isn't SO hard)
finish driver's ed (though it's going to be a tough one considering those two hours are the hardest of my life to sit through)
fix a few relationships that have sort of dissolved from that high school "we grew apart" shit
Get Beth the sweetest man the world has ever seen
Prove to every single one of you that I can be GOOD at Halo
Get over the ADD that prevents me from doing each and every one of these

And I know it's not much. But I promise there'll be more entries like this, in LESS than a time of span of two months. Don't worry.

"Love is real, it is not just in long distance commercials. Or something that you thought you felt back in high school. So I will turn black and white. Become that horoscope you're reading. It predicts something good is on its way. So then I will send you the world green and blue in a box through the mail. You can open it up, hold it right in your hand, and be glad that it's there. And be glad that you're there. Now you can feel the knots in your stomach start to untie. And suddenly it's not so hard to say you're alright." -Bright Eyes

DANGER DANGER... high voltageee.. when we touch, when we kiss

2005-02-15T03:41:25Z

45 minute long dance parties in the rain make the best Valentine's Days.

Yeah bitch... rekignize.

You are of your own making.

2005-01-30T07:48:19Z

So I'm terrible. And I'm awful. And I'm tired of this. I'm so tired with this entire situation. And yes, in some respects you can call me the villian here. Actually you know what? I don't fucking care. Call me whatever you want to. Am I a slut? A bitch? A whore? It's alright, it's actually to the point where it's ok. How did it get like this. Please just take a number because there are so many people being hurt and there are so many people hurting others, that its a nightmare. The lies need to stop, we all need to stop lying. We all also need to realize that everyone involved is suffering. I'm having a mental breakdown, I truly am. I cannot focus, I wake up worried, I go to bed worrying. This is not how I want to be and I realize that I don't have to be this way. So here goes nothing.

I'm sorry. I am so utterly and completely sorry if I hurt anyone. The situations are so complicated and weaving that although it was never my intention and I actually physically tried NOT to, it happened. I'm so sorry. I don't know what talking will do. I don't really know what not talking will do either. But this situation has grown so much it's sickening. Welcome to high school. Welcome to drama. We can CHOOSE. Does nobody see that? We can choose whether or not we want to become victims to our own talk. So this is what I choose. I choose to let go of the fighting, the talking, the emails, the anger, the lies, the circles, and the strangeness of the entire situation. You may not like me after this entire fiasco. It's ok, you have every right to do whatever you want. Although I hope you don't choose that route I cannot hold an opinion against you.

I'ts 2:15 in the morning now, and I've been staring at this computer screen so long I swear I can burn a hole right through it. I can't sleep because I know how this will end, I know how they always end. There's so much anger involved its dangerous. It feels dangerous. How can you be so angry? Why are we so angry? I KNOW... believe me i KNOW that's easier said than done. But please just take a step back and look at this- how can there be so much anger. If there's one thing I know about anger it's the incredible weight it possesses. It's like a constant burden on your shoulders. Do what you want with your emotions, but there is no such thing as being angry and happy. Thats hollow happiness. Thats pathetic happiness. That's the kind of happiness that I wish on no one. Not one person. You cannot be in control if you're angry either. Dont you see you're simply being dictated by an emotion?

So I may be 100% wrong with all of this. With every god damn thing. But what I do know is that I'm sorry for the painful incident that has been imposed on undeserving people.

And I want you to be happy, I guess I'm just completely blown away at how you can find solace in the hypocrisy of what you've always believed in. But I support you to the fullest, and with time everything will be alright.

I'm finished.

makes my stomach turn &it tears my flesh from bone how we turn this dream to stone &we all die young

2005-01-28T00:58:20Z

Alright so here's the name and here's the game.

Step 1: Get your playlist together, put it on random, and play.
Step 2: Pick your favorite lines from the first 20 songs that play.
Step 3: Post and let everyone guess what song the lines come from.
Step 4: cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly.

Ya hear? All you gotta do is guess the songssssssss... ready?

Shake down you make me break for goodness sake, I think I'm on the edge of something new with you
The riot be the rhyme of the unheard... calm like a bombbbbbb
I see you work at night, are you sexually amused? What's it like to have a room of guys encircling you?
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy. Because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low. Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, to me.
Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone. I hear you call my name. And it feels like home.
What ever happened to SUBURBAN RHYTHM... Why did Ed and Scott quit?! Please don't go Suburban Rhythm. All the other bands are just shit.
So if I'm inside your head. Don't believe what you might have read. You'll see what I might have said. To hear it, Come waste your time with me.
If that's all you will be. You'll be a waste of time. You've dreamed a thousand dreams, none seem to stick in your mind. Two points for honesty, it must make you sad to know that nobody cares at all.
And I feel so much depends on the weather. So is it raining in your bedroom? And I see that these are the eyes of disarray, and would you even care?
Are you such a dreamer to put the world to rights? I'll stay home forever where two and two always makes a five.
I'm a rolling thunder, a pouring rain. I'm coming on like a hurricane. My lightning's flashing across the sky. You're only young but you're gonna die.
Can anybody tell me why God won't speak to me? Why Jesus never called on me to part the fucking seas? Why death is easier than living? You can be almost anything when you're on your fucking knees.
But, if I stayed here with you girl, things just couldn't be the same. Cause I'm as free as a bird now, and this bird you'll never change. Lord knows, I can't change. Lord help me, I can't change.
I wanna give you, whatever you need. What is it you need? Is it what I need? I wanna give you, whatever you need. What is it you need? Is it within me?
And you dont wanna be here in the future so you say the presants just a pleasant interuption to the past. And you dont wanna look much closer cause ur afriad to find out all this hope you had sent into the sky by now had crashed. And it did- because of me.
Tonight my heart is cold. Lost in your lies, shallow replies. And gravity prevails this time its over. And you think you're the one.
Calm me with your lies your simple tragedy. It's all I wish to hear tonight- and your all I wish to be. And this is how we all fall.
Well, it takes one to know and kid, I think you've got it bad. But what's so easy in the evening, by the morning's such a drag. II got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train. And if you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same. We may die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain. But what was normal in the evening, by the morning seems insane.
All five horizons revolved around her soul. As the earth to the sun. Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn... Ooh, and all I taught her was everything.
So now we speak with ruined tongues and the words we say aren't meant for anyone. It's just a mumbled sentence to a passing acquaintance, but there was once you. You said you hate my suffering and you understood and you'd take care of me. You would always be there, well where are you now?
I don't need to fight- To prove I'm right. I don't need to be forgiven. Don't cryyy. Don't raise your eyeeee. It's only teenage wasteland.

brighteyes13 @ 2005-01-23T13:45:00

2005-01-23T18:46:19Z

Alright I didn't like the other one. So I redid it. My goodness I have too much time on my hands.

brighteyes13 @ 2005-01-20T20:46:00

2005-01-21T01:47:20Z

New Background.

I like change.

brighteyes13 @ 2005-01-17T01:01:00

2005-01-17T06:04:06Z

Guys guys guys guys guys...

Now I know ive wanted to go concerts before... but this is so much different.

Anberlin is playing at Webster on March 9, and at Rochester on March 7...

I'm going with or without you. Let me know if you'd like to come I'll buy you a ticket, and maybe even burn you a CD.

Now wouldn't that be niceeee?

brighteyes13 @ 2005-01-16T12:11:00

2005-01-16T17:12:44Z

I do believe I am the only U.S. citizen at the moment who feels even slightly sympathetic for Doug Brien.

Aka the worst kicker in the history of NFL.

And you wonder where these dreams go, when the world gets in your way

2005-01-10T02:48:43Z

The extreme complications to every aspect of my life are intensely exhausting.

I'm sorry this entry could not be "juicier", but you'll live.

I'll be waiiititttttinnngggggg

2004-12-31T19:09:44Z

New Years.

Tonight will be a night to remember.

Ya hear me?! TONIGHT WILL BE A NIGHT TO REMEMBER.

I love you rach.care.em.dev.nik.bone.dave.matt.zack.dave.kris.sam.kt.j.val.popinator.lex.coilin.chase.lauren.marcy.

Bring on 2005. We're ready.

ragggggggggggggggggg taaalllllllllllllllllllllkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

2004-12-26T18:31:22Z

MURRY CRISSCROSSMASS

sounds of the violent violent violent

2004-12-22T03:45:49Z

Hm... ok a lot to say.

My knee is dead. Killed. Gone. I have iced it, babied it, limped, cried, seen a trainer, dragged it and nothing is better. Alright so maybe getting dragged behind a car wasn't the greatest thing for it, but I'm completely awful at the whole "be patient" thing so... I give up. Yes it hurts, but I'll get over it. I have resolved to being the cripple.

Alright so on Sunday during the big bad blizzard, Carrie and I were wrapping presents at Barnes and Nobles for SOS. Not only did we have no idea what we were doing, but we get harrassed by a random guy with a power issue. Then by the time we got out at 9:30 the roads were pretty bad. Mr. Riddle was driving me home and we notice a police car in front on my road. Soooo we go to the top part and there's ANOTHER police car. He tells us that there was a major accident and the road is closed off. In the end, me, care, and her dad got out of his car in the snow and ice, in shoes with no socks on, and walk down my huge hill. It was an excursion to say the least, and me and Carrie took it like men.

I bombed my math test. No actually, wait, I killed it. No screw that, I took that bitch and ruined it. Yes, I'm freaking out. Yes, I have OCD, but I'm truly freaking out about one stupid algebra 2 test. God, get me to a shrink.

I am now officially a nanny. I don't really know what being a nanny means. I just sort of just babysit the same kids a lot for long periods of time. I can't even drive. Damn, I'm a shitty nanny.

Ok enough with the trivial talk.

I finished two songs. I'll post the other lyrics when I stop being a lazy ass. It has no name. Fuck names. I'm so bad with them. What good songs have names? Oh yea, all of them.
I'll write a song with no god damn words
because they never come out right
4 months and counting..
Still dating the time it took to write.
Woke up this morning with you on my mind
And I don't know, I don't know why.
Brush past you, baby
And I don't dare look in your eyes
You always knew, you always knew they made it so hard to lie
So light up like this sky that still burns for you tonight
Or pins and needles, puncture it and drain it dry

And we are slipping through these dreams
On this broken patch of concrete
Make these nightmares fly
Closed my eyes to awaken by your side.
Wipe away these tears, singing cliches- "Everything will be alright"

Time is such a violent thing, full of broken promises
and disappointing dreams
Screaming, screaming, screaming
Things are never what they seem

Woke up this morning with you on my mind
An autumn night- we're going back in time.

The neon blue of your eyes
Reminds me of the summer sky
We always preferred the night

round and round and round and round and round

2004-12-19T19:24:01Z

Welcome Back Tour 04 part one is now officially over. But it's okay, because part 2 is just around the cornerrrrrrrr

Okay I took a tumble in lacrosse yesterday and my knee all the way to my thigh is green and swollen and I cannot put any pressure on it. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow but I actually had to get down on my stomach and use my arms to pull myself up the stairs. Not to mention a perfectly good saturday night was absolutely ruined by my immobility. Awful.

Christmas is right around the corner and I have no holiday spirit. Bah Humbug.

Congrats to beth for getting in syracuse!

and btw, i'm done with your shit buddy. knock yourself out.

later gators

brighteyes13 @ 2004-12-13T14:51:00

2004-12-13T20:03:55Z

Ah this feeling.

I kind of feel like I've been spinning in circles way too long.

brighteyes13 @ 2004-12-06T22:21:00

2004-12-07T03:38:26Z

Welcome to my list of concerts I would like to attend during the winter season?

Ready? Ok then.

Dec. 17- Sense Fail, Midtown, Moneen (if I can convince nikster and the rest to come it'd be crazy) @Webster
Dec. 7- Collective Soul @ Toad's Place
Dec 21- From Autumn to Ashes @ Toads Place
Dec. 18- Boys Night Out and From First to last @ Empress
Jan 15- Daphne Loves Derby and This Providence @ Empress
March 4- The Toasters @ Empress

AND THE WINNER IS...

JANUARY 26- Something Corporate, Hidden In Plain View, the Academy Is @STARLAND BALLROOM in NJ (Beth, that one's ours)

As long as I dont need to see John Mayer (I'm sorry guys I just dont want to) or Switchfoot (Sorry but they blow), I am fineeeeeeeee... later dudes

Does it make a difference how we get it? Well do you really fucking get it?

2004-12-05T19:11:55Z

You hate drama? I do believe you start it. You hate fighting? I do believe that's what you're doing. Since when can you force friendship by fighting? Since never, love.

My lord this is running in circles. Circles get me dizzy and get you nowhere, so I refuse to play this game.

I miss you. Simple as that.

It was only a kiss, how did it end up like this?

2004-12-03T22:30:23Z

I would not change one thing about today.

Not the 5th period arrival.
Not the surprise visit from my Dad
Not the happy ending for the (almost) end of Brian's life
Not the 45 minutes spent debating in humanities
Not the 88, 86, and 82 I got on those spanish quizzes
Not the running wildly through the woods with my fellow indians, care and dev
Not taking a piss in the middle of a -8726592875 degree river
Not the blast-the-oldies-and-belt-it-out session with my mom
Not the yelled obscenities at Rachel, J, and the other indoor track girls (and guys)
And especially not watching devon tumble head over heels down that hill.

Tonight will be just as awesome... just you wait and see.

And tomorrow we're pumping Colin with money and forcing him to drive us to Southern to see the game.

Kiss me onceeeee... kiss me twiceeeeee.. Come on pretty baby kiss me deadly

2004-11-29T20:24:14Z

News Flash.

A lot of people have livejournals. A lot of people I didnt know have livejournals. Thats absolutely crazy. I swear I must be the blondest person I know.

I'm getting my ear cut off today. Ok not my WHOLE ear, but part of it. Which means---> NEVER PIERCE YOUR EAR ON YOUR OWN. I'm telling you, it only brings trouble. On that noteeeeeeeee, the HP club will be complete again in 16/ or 15 1/2 (or whoever the hell one that arguement at lunch) days. Which means our favorite italian will be back and it'll feel as if she was never gone. Pea Es- the welcome home party will be the most amazing event to hit Brookfield, CT since livejournals.

I would also like to address the fact that in Nicole Alessandra's absence, our #2 bitch, Ms. Caroline Marie Conundrum, has become nice. And if that isnt bad enough she now cries. Absolutely never should this happen. So please Nicole, we need you to restore order to this melee.

Andddddddddd finally, I would just like to say that I'm ok. I'm fine with everything that's happened. I'm fine. And it has not broken me.

So hats off to Christmas... because I do love going to Namco and pressing all the little singing Santas just to piss of my *ahem*ahem* favorite employees.

brighteyes13 @ 2004-11-23T21:17:00

2004-11-24T02:18:36Z

sweet tooth 8122 (9:16:20 PM): whenever my mom comes home from yoga its like she just smoked 5 joints

Yoga... my anti-drug.

shine on, shine on

2004-11-21T06:18:00Z

nos·tal·gi·a n. - A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.

Welcome to nostalgia.

I went back through my old journal entries today. It was like reliving last year. I'm not really sure why, but it got me so upset. I don't know what I need right now. I don't really think I need anything actually. At what point in time did everything become so different? All those songs and those clever movie lines and the advice that you hear throughout your life just preaches "don't look back". How can we never look back if we spend our lives longing for how things used to be. Ugh I miss so much about last year that it really hurts to think about it. I don't know why either. There was drama last year, there were shitty times.. it just seems like everything was in balance though, and this year it's not. You know what? Fuck that. The only reason I think I'm longing for last year is because I'm unhappy with myself right now. Some things I can't change. I can't bring Nikki back. Relationships won't always be how they once were. I can't go back to no boyfriends only best friends. But I can stop feeling sorry for myself and learn to be okay with how things are now. I hate feeling like I'm making the best out of the worst. This is the best. These are the best days of my life, jesus, I should at least be 30 before I start wanting to go back.

Swimming's over. The season was amazing. Let me be incredibly corny and tell everyone how proud I am of them. Kristen got in the top heat for both the 200 IM and the 100 breast at finals. Rach made finals and kicked ass. The 200 free relay was sick. I officially learned how to swim fly... efficiently. And our medley was crazy. First lacrosse game in a good six months. I need to start running again but it was still awesome. I saw Courtney and Coach Butt at the football game. They made me feel incredibly guilty about dropping track. Oh well, you can't please them all.

Report card came. I think I satisfied my mom. But any hope for her laying off a little is a lost cause. It'll never happen. Oh well I should probably be grateful because without her I'd probably never have any motivation to do anything. Even if her method of motivating people is beating everything to death.

Two concerts in two weeks. Both were sick. Go see Matchbook Romance or Reel Big Fish in concert. The image on Emily falling down and screaming during the mosh pit will be implanted into my memory for the rest of my life.

Wanna hear something weird? When I was little I used to watch Twister almost every day. At the very end, when the credits come up and the camera starts to go up into the clouds I would freak out. And to this day I have panic attacks everytime the credits come up. I think I'm afraid of the clouds or something.

Eh, bedtime.

brighteyes13 @ 2004-11-16T21:25:00

2004-11-17T02:28:27Z

Dreams unwind. Love's a state of mind.

-fleetwood mac

brighteyes13 @ 2004-11-16T16:54:00

2004-11-16T21:56:01Z

LJJJJJJ CHANGE.

Give opinions.

And yes I have succumbed to the beach theme that the world has.

brighteyes13 @ 2004-11-14T02:15:00

2004-11-14T07:17:05Z

Break down these walls
Tear down these tears
Show me that life is not these hollow years
But the love that disrupts them