Ok so I have failed miserably at keeping a livejournal.  Yes, my journal has crashed and burned.  I'm sorry for the ridiculously long time elapse since my last four word entry.  Well sophomore year is looking more and more like suckmore year.  And I guess (judging by six different peoples' perspectives) that it's like that for everyone.  It's been a long 7 months, and it'll be a relief when it's over.  I think the truth is that I've changed to much since last year.  And while some change is good, I'm not comfortable with all the changes that have occurred.  So here's a toast to changing the traits you don't like, and you know what?  Only I can, and I will.  So this is my apology for the past year.  If I've annoyed or hurt anyone.  I am truly sorry.  People are mean, and you know what?  I'm a person.  I am no exception to ANYTHING at all.  And instead of that being some sort of sad and sorry compensation for anything I have done, it's a baby step in the right direction.  So I am truly sorry.

It's 6:41 in the morning and I have no idea what sparked this.  Maybe the jolt of caffeine I just got.  Before the end of the year I have to...

• Finish my mural
• Finish my painting to agati's contest
• Put on the best mother fucking rock concert this sleeping town has ever seen
• Ok ok try a LITTLE harder in school (inspired by Brian's revelation that doing your homework isn't SO hard)
• finish driver's ed (though it's going to be a tough one considering those two hours are the hardest of my life to sit through)
• fix a few relationships that have sort of dissolved from that high school "we grew apart" shit
• Get Beth the sweetest man the world has ever seen
• Prove to every single one of you that I can be GOOD at Halo
• Get over the ADD that prevents me from doing each and every one of these

And I know it's not much.  But I promise there'll be more entries like this, in LESS than a time of span of two months.  Don't worry.

"Love is real, it is not just in long distance commercials.  Or something that you thought you felt back in high school.  So I will turn black and white.  Become that horoscope you're reading.  It predicts something good is on its way.  So then I will send you the world green and blue in a box through the mail.  You can open it up, hold it right in your hand, and be glad that it's there.  And be glad that you're there.  Now you can feel the knots in your stomach start to untie.  And suddenly it's not so hard to say you're alright." -Bright Eyes

45 minute long dance parties in the rain make the best Valentine's Days.

Yeah bitch... rekignize.

So I'm terrible.  And I'm awful.  And I'm tired of this.  I'm so tired with this entire situation.  And yes, in some respects you can call me the villian here.  Actually you know what?  I don't fucking care.  Call me whatever you want to.  Am I a slut?  A bitch?  A whore?  It's alright, it's actually to the point where it's ok.  How did it get like this.  Please just take a number because there are so many people being hurt and there are so many people hurting others, that its a nightmare.  The lies need to stop, we all need to stop lying.  We all also need to realize that everyone involved is suffering.  I'm having a mental breakdown, I truly am.  I cannot focus, I wake up worried, I go to bed worrying.  This is not how I want to be and I realize that I don't have to be this way.  So here goes nothing.

I'm sorry.  I am so utterly and completely sorry if I hurt anyone.  The situations are so complicated and weaving that although it was never my intention and I actually physically tried NOT to, it happened.  I'm so sorry.  I don't know what talking will do.  I don't really know what not talking will do either.  But this situation has grown so much it's sickening.  Welcome to high school.  Welcome to drama.  We can CHOOSE.   Does nobody see that?  We can choose whether or not we want to become victims to our own talk.  So this is what I choose.  I choose to let go of the fighting, the talking, the emails, the anger, the lies, the circles, and the strangeness of the entire situation.  You may not like me after this entire fiasco.  It's ok, you have every right to do whatever you want.  Although I hope you don't choose that route I cannot hold an opinion against you. 

I'ts 2:15 in the morning now, and I've been staring at this computer screen so long I swear I can burn a hole right through it.  I can't sleep because I know how this will end, I know how they always end.  There's so much anger involved its dangerous.  It feels dangerous.  How can you be so angry?  Why are we so angry?  I KNOW... believe me i KNOW that's easier said than done.  But please just take a step back and look at this- how can there be so much anger.  If there's one thing I know about anger it's the incredible weight it possesses.  It's like a constant burden on your shoulders.  Do what you want with your emotions, but there is no such thing as being angry and happy.  Thats hollow happiness.  Thats pathetic happiness.  That's the kind of happiness that I wish on no one.  Not one person.  You cannot be in control if you're angry either.  Dont you see you're simply being dictated by an emotion?

So I may be 100% wrong with all of this.  With every god damn thing.  But what I do know is that I'm sorry for the painful incident that has been imposed on undeserving people. 

And I want you to be happy, I guess I'm just completely blown away at how you can find solace in the hypocrisy of what you've always believed in.  But I support you to the fullest, and with time everything will be alright.

I'm finished.

Alright so here's the name and here's the game.

Step 1: Get your playlist together, put it on random, and play.
Step 2: Pick your favorite lines from the first 20 songs that play.
Step 3: Post and let everyone guess what song the lines come from.
Step 4: cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly.

Ya hear?  All you gotta do is guess the songssssssss... ready? 

( GO! )

Alright I didn't like the other one.  So I redid it.  My goodness I have too much time on my hands.

Guys guys guys guys guys...

Now I know ive wanted to go concerts before... but this is so much different.

Anberlin is playing at Webster on March 9, and at Rochester on March 7...

I'm going with or without you.  Let me know if you'd like to come I'll buy you a ticket, and maybe even burn you a CD.

Now wouldn't that be niceeee?